Practicing Self-Compassion to Manage Uncomfortable Emotions

Practicing Self-Compassion to Manage Uncomfortable Emotions

By Dr Lisa.

Have you ever found yourself getting upset at yourself when you are experiencing uncomfortable emotions? This blog describes how responding with self-compassion rather than self-criticism can make it easier to handle overwhelming situations. 

Why do we feel uncomfortable experiencing negative emotions? Why do we feel uncomfortable experiencing negative emotions? 

To understand why we are feeling uneasy in situations where we experience negative emotions, we need to first understand the evolutionary function of emotions. 

First and foremost, all emotions (positive or negative) evolved to protect us. For instance: 

• Happiness paves the path for social interactions.
• Anger is our response to physical injury, emotional hurt or general threat and lets us communicate (in various ways) that we feel wronged or mistreated
• Shame signals that we may have acted in a way that conflicts with our values or the expectations of others we care about
• Sadness tells us and others to be gentle to ourselves

From an evolutionary perspective, all negative emotions are associated with threat or loss and naturally trigger a biological stress response in our bodies. On top this, in our society positivity is applauded whereas vulnerability is regarded as something to avoid. This in turn often leads to feelings of perceived failure or inadequacy, making it extremely difficult to sit with negative emotions and often leads to the urge to avoid or suppress them. 

How self-compassion can help to deal with uncomfortable emotions 

Gentle and supportive words from people we value during difficult times can often be a source of strength and help us deal with challenging emotions. Likewise, it can be as helpful to be kind to ourselves, and it can equally help us to settle our negative thoughts and feelings. Thus, when we feel that we have let ourselves down, it can be a powerful tool to be understanding and show yourself compassion, instead of being an unfair, harsh and judgemental critic.

How you can practice self-compassion

Take a curious and non-judgemental stance. 

• Ask yourself what would you say to a person you value if they found themselves in a similar situation?  
• Think of a situation where someone has been very supportive to you and try to adopt a similar mindset. 
• What tone of voice would you use to be kind to yourself? 
• Remember a time when you have helped someone else deal with uncomfortable emotions; remember that others feel this way too. 

Where to from here?

By acknowledging and allowing your emotions without judgment, it is less likely that that you are getting stuck in overwhelming thoughts and feelings. Uncomfortable emotions need as much space as positive emotions. Remember that all emotions are important messengers of information about our environment, and we can take advantage of this knowledge, so we can focus on what matters to us. If you feel uneasy to go on this journey all by yourself, your therapist can help you to navigate, reflect on, and accept your emotions. Be kind to yourself! 

If you live in Brisbane or are happy with using Telehealth, we are here to support you. Get in touch today.